Disclaimers to the note:
I may be wrong//Absolutely personal views.
Someone close to me got divorced recently. A lot many people in the extended social circle seem to be getting divorced or separated post a gung-ho USD 60,000-80,000 (every random f**** invited) marriage. Now, India is perceived to be a country where relative to the developed world, the divorce rates are low. They are low because of the great institution of arranged marriage. Continue reading; I will tell you why the divorce rates are low.
What gives rise to arranged marriages?
The caste system-where parents match religion, caste, sub caste, sub-sub-sub caste and horoscopes and any other random thing they can latch on to, to justify the absurdity of the decision. The other day I read an article where the writer said that the major problem facing the country is not corruption (with due respect to Mr. Hazare) but it's the caste system! I completely agree.
Coming back to the subject of arranged marriages. They are a product of a hypocrite and lopsided mind. Imagine! I mean seriously, imagine! 2 people, seemingly educated in the context of urban India decide to get married for whatever reasons of theirs, although that makes for another commentary. Their parents now have the job of finding a partner for them! For heavens' sake, why?! Your parents are not YOU! They don't quite understand who you are irrespective of claims to the contrary. You are the only person who knows who you are. So now, the parents would probably release an ad in the matrimonial column which would perhaps read like this:
Wanted well educated Hindu-khanna-kayast-whatever bride for our handsome son. We are a well settled educated Brahmin family (please excuse me if I got some castes wrong here, I don't give a damn!). He is a manglik so the girl should also be a manglik. Horoscopes will be matched. Kindly contact socallededucated@mail.com
Now, what this idiot does not understand is that he has already filtered out a great population because of the caste and religion criteria’s. And I think manglik means 'manhus (jinxed).' Secondly, the point is that this son of his does not have the confidence to find a girl by himself and that's why this route is being taken.
Let me tell you why arrange marriages work. They work because they are arranged. Don't get it? They work because the entire point is to get married for the heck of getting married. They work because most people are cowards and don't have the guts or the confidence to seek out a partner on their own. They work because people get into marriages to please the society, have children and then stay in marriages because they have children! They work because the point was not to be happy.
It is a bloody scam! Yes, there are exceptions but exceptions never dispute the law! There are charlatans out there who make up personalities just to get married and screw lives because they feel that once you are married, the bird can't get out anymore! To an extent, they are right. The divorce laws and court proceedings scare people away from seeking divorces considering the emotional and financial investment already made, especially for the women!
So, what should be done? Seek out love for heavens' sake. You may just get lucky. You may not, but then that does not give you the right to destroy your life by marrying someone you don't even know! It is a different debate if love marriages are more successful and if monogamy is a natural human state. I just hope it is if you have the opportunity of falling in love with the same person again and again (wow!). Seek out someone who complements you. Opposites repulse. Congeniality attracts.
Yeah, well. So, who the hell am I to talk about all this?! I am not married. Yeah, I am not. But then, I don't live in a close world. I know the pain of living with someone you don't love at all. I am quite an idealist which makes me wonder how and why people reconcile such a decision in their minds.
This is the most important decision of your life. Don't waste your life on a person you don't know, you don't like and you don't love. At least give yourself a shot at finding love. What the heck, don't get married if you don't. This country has produced enough children already for there to be quite a mob wherever you go! WTF! You have got one life to live. Who knows if you will be a pig in your next birth :P
May you find love!
4 comments:
Perfectly reflects what actually quite many people very very strongly feel about.
But, we are social animals Amar, and more often than not, its practically more convenient and feasible to bend to the rules. Everyone does not have as strong a say as you perhaps do.
I completely buy your point, but the people we love the most would also have certain expectations from us to be fulfilled.
The behaviour of an individual would be different in a completely vacuum state vis-a-vis in existence of external forces.
What would your take be on that?
my take on that would be that most of the external forces like the greater society does not matter. let it be damned. let's look at the closer forces-parents and immediate family. Their problem sometimes is that they know us better than we know ourselves and that's where the problem lies and secondly most of us don't trust ourselves and let people take decisions for us which is just not done!
Our near ones would be led by what people around them are thinking, or rather, they think that the society might be thinking.
This would be transferred upon you.
and then any stance you take would directly be correlated to their mental peace and happiness which is again directly proportional to what people around them are thinking about you.
what do u do then?
then you try to convince them that 'you' are more important to them than 'people' they are bothered about. if they don't understand, nothing can be done. just don't be the sacrificial lamb.
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