Plateau

the state of my life at this moment

a plateau: a period or state of little or no growth or decline despite activity and efforts

The dictionary also describes it as a stable level of achievement. Bullshit. Stable level of achievement. What the hell is stable level of achievement! you are only as good as your last game! i have not been playing a lot of games these days!

you see, I have a job! i need peanuts also. I am an MBA, I have seen 2-3 countries and met people from many geographies for whatever reasons. Now if i see life perhaps as many people would, i should bloody get married through an arranged marriage off course and create children and live for them! what the heck!

i mean what the hell is stability? i am so freaking restless because i am not growing! i am not contributing! there is nothing called stability! life is not supposed to be stable. okay. one day, if i find a girl i love and who loves me, i might get married, god knows! i may have children also, i am sure it does not take rocket science or CAT problems! but that can't be the reason for my existence! you see, get married and raise kids! what the heck!

i guess, i am disturbed. i am not getting enough sleep! nothing seems to be growing, no part of my life. f****** hell! i am trying. no body can blame me for not trying. one thought i cannot live ever with is that "i did not try"! so i try. i guess i need to try harder and more intensely.

what else? well, i have crossed plateaus before during my story. i will cross them even now. i will keep asking. i will keep trying. i will not give up ever on life. it's not an option.

Plateaus will come and go. I will keep moving.

You see, an ant tries to climb a wall and falls a 100 times, it does not stop. perhaps it's survival depends on not stopping till it succeeds in its mission.

so does mine!